Dear Totally Confused,

Only your boyfriend knows the answers to your questions. The best Alice can do is offer her thoughts on the matter and some supportive words. Where do your doubts stem from? Has your boyfriend done or said anything to lead you to believe that he is cheating on you? Or, is infidelity the only reason you can surmise that explains his desire to delay sex?

Trust is an important requirement of any healthy relationship. You need to trust that your boyfriend truly wants to wait to make love with you till your wedding night unless he gives you reason to believe otherwise. You also need to trust your instincts . This could be a wonderful test of your ability to trust him (and he you). These issues will continue to come up periodically -- learning to handle them well now can only be to your relationship's benefit.

Another aspect of a healthy relationship is having and sharing common goals. Looking at this situation from that perspective, holding out for your wedding night can be something you both can work on and look forward to together. You and he can talk abou t how you envision the night. Where will you be? What will you do? What will you wear? Do either of you have any fantasies? What type of birth control, if any, will you use? It could be fun to talk about it and plan for your wedding night together. In the meantime, you can explore ways of being intimate and romantic without having sex.

However, if you feel strongly about having sex now, you need to make your feelings known and assert yourself with your boyfriend. Compromise is an important aspect of a relationship, too. Perhaps the two of you can come up with a creative and fun soluti on to your dilemma. How exactly do you and he define SEX? Can you come up with another way to "make love" and be romantic that meets both of your needs? Don't wait until your wedding night to talk with your boyfriend about this -- clear and open commun ication is another key to a healthy relationship.