Dear Keeping Clean After Rehab,

When your significant other (SO) comes home from rehab, the best thing you can do is be supportive. Of course, the difficulty lies in defining "supportive." And, you definitely need to figure out how you're going to be supportive before your SO leaves the rehab center. It may even be helpful if you outline what you will and will not do when he first comes home. Set your boundaries, and then stick with them.

You need to be strong; let him know that he cannot take advantage of you, and that he needs to learn how to take care of himself while being responsible for his actions (these are all issues common to situations like yours). However, you can be there to listen to his problems, fears, and plans for getting through this tough time -- all while doing what you can to reduce social and environmental stressors.

One big way you can be supportive is by not drinking, smoking pot, or doing any other drugs -- even if you are able to do these things in moderation. You can offer to take him to post-rehab meetings. You may even want to go to join a support group, such as Al-Anon, yourself. It's good to hear what others who have been through a similar experience have to say. That way, you won't feel so alone and you can gain insight.

The first few weeks and months will probably be the hardest. Your SO will most likely go through periods of depression as he faces the pain of dealing with years (?) of an addiction. He may be angry with you at times, or try to manipulate you to do more than your fair share of the work. Be strong and be ready for this. Let your SO know that you love him and want him to be better, but that that's up to him. Know, also, that you are not at "fault" if he goes back to drugs or rehab.

Alice wishes you the best for getting through this tough time.