I have been married for 4 years now and my husband is very heavy into pornography. He masturbates on a regular basis daily and doesn't care to have sex with me. I have talked to him about it and he said that it's an addition. I told him that it hurts me deeply and I have been tempted to cheat on him. In other words find someone else. Anyway, what do you suggest? I have tried to interest him more by using sex toys, sexy clothing, oral sex, etc. I am an attractive person and a lot of men flirt with me but I just ignore them. I work out at the gym. I asked my husband if he was interested in someone else and he tells me no. He works a lot but when he is at home he just wants to watch TV and sleep.
Attractive but confused

Dear Attractive but Confused,

I see a few issues going on here. First, his masturbation bothers you. Masturbation, for most people, is intensely private and independent of whether or not they are having partner sex. For example, some people masturbate less when they are having partner sex, some masturbate exactly the same amount, and others masturbate more, as if the pump is primed.

Second, his perception seems to be different from yours. For example, your husband seems to think that his masturbation is an addition to your sex together, whereas, you seem to see it as a substitution. What is the reality? How often are you actually having sex with one another? This reminds me of a scene in "Annie Hall", where each person in the couple are seeing their own therapist. His therapist asks the Woody Allen character, "How often do you have sex?", and his answer is "hardly ever...three times a week"! When Diane Keaton character